Tuesday, February 22, 2011

I was wrongish

So it appears I ticked off more than one person earlier today with my post about the cost of being female. Including one close friend. Yikes!

First off, let me say this: My argument was definitely flawed. Tragically so. Shout out to Dan @ How to be Aweso.me for pointing out some of the additional expenses men have, and helping me figure out what I was really trying to say.

It turns out what I was getting at is more social commentary, and less about finances, so I'll keep it brief: I feel that a man who really likes a woman will offer to pick up the cheque - especially when they are in the early stages of a relationship. The kind of man I tend to like, anyway.

One of the things I love about the Internet (and I do have a love-hate relationship with it) is that you can get an honest appraisal out of people (rare in "real life"). They will tell you what they really think – why not? It's fodder not only for debate, which is fun, but also for personal reflection: How did I arrive at a certain conclusion? What does that say about me as a person? Are my values in the right place? (Yes, I really think about all of this – I'm just nerdy like that).

For instance, as I ate my dinner, I wondered the following:

-Am I an entitled brat? Or some kind of snob?
-Am I anti-feminist?
-Are my expectations out of line with reality?

No, no, no and … no – I hope. It would have behooved me to consider that men incur additional expenses as a result of their gender. However, my original argument (the part about chivalry) still stands – for me. The problem is, it's not really an argument so much as a feeling. One thing I've learned is that you have to trust your instincts - at least really clearly consider them. Thinking that a man should pay for a date isn't entitlement or snobbery; it's simply a personal preference. It's kind of along the same lines as when someone I've just met shortens my name – calls me “Mel” when I've introduced myself as Melissa. Could it be that such fickle likes and dislikes keep you away from certain “flavours” of people that are no good for you? (By the way, that one's not a deal-breaker, unless a guy leans and coolly smokes a cigarette, while typing on his blackberry, *while* slangifying my name. And is wearing shoes that curl up at the ends like elves'.) Hey, I know what I don't like. But I'm only looking for one person.

And with that, I now take you back to our regularly-scheduled programming. Tomorrow I blog all about additional income: what I'm doing and how to make it work for you.

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